One of the interesting things about traveling all of the time is some of the basic human entanglements in life slide right by you. At least they did for me. Less so for Lee because he was so engaged with people online, but for me I had created a little bubble for myself, and I largely ignored things that bothered me. Confused? Well let me lay out some examples.
The “where are you from” question. – We got used to always being from “away” wherever we were but the explanation we traveled fulltime largely explained that issue. Now we are in a town that is 20 minutes from where I grew up so I answer I am from Grove City except people look at license plates (they always have everywhere by the way) and form judgements about you based on that. Since the truck still has Florida plates and the little car has California plates the reactions to our plates are wildly different depending on which vehicle we drive. It is so ridiculous in some cases that I have asked Lee to speed up getting new plates so we can just move on from that judgement. Like I said when we were moving it didn’t matter much but now this judgement is coming from neighbors and local business owners who we are trying to build a relationship with for the long term. If you screw that up you’re living with it for a while. Speaking of which…
Permanent Neighbors – Now we have neighbors and although people largely stick to themselves out here in the country no one wants to be the person who pisses their neighbors off. At least we don’t. We intentionally bought property where we aren’t on top of anyone else, but we still have a few neighbors within eyesight and shouting (or barking) distance, and don’t want any problems with them. We can’t just pull up and roll out if there is an issue so making sure we don’t inadvertently piss someone off is a big deal. Lee in particular has been extra careful about making sure our lawn stays mowed and we have no eyesores. We never were ones for political signs either, but I think we would both think hard about that as well. Things are very polarized right now and the only sign I feel comfortable with right now is an Ohio State Buckeyes sign which is sort of a religion around here.
Politics – I, by choice, was largely isolated from the extremes of politics that are impacting our country, and we mitigated that even more over the last few years by staying in places that mirrored our political beliefs. Yes, I have lost Facebook friends over differences of opinion, but that is very different than being in one place and dealing with the fallout of these disagreements in person. I was prepared for the need with casual acquaintances to just stay away from the subject, but things have gone much farther than that. Since California plates = Liberal and Florida plates = Conservative in many people’s minds the difference in treatments can be a little startling. Lee in particular who is much more open on Facebook had a really difficult time buying things from Facebook Marketplace until he changed his profile picture and marked his account as private. You may think it’s crazy but trust me we did a before and after study on his experience and it was markedly different. The worst of it though is family schisms which I largely ignored in the past but cannot now that I am here.
Family – I was always an oddball in my family, so I didn’t expect anyone to roll out the red carpet or anything when I came back, but I am surprised by how fractured my family is. There always was lots of family issues for a variety of reasons, but now it seems political differences has overshadowed most of those grievances. Over the last several years brothers and sisters have fallen out over religion and/or politics and the one thing I hear over and over again is people with differing views no longer feel welcome. Unfortunately, both of my grandmothers (who never would have tolerated this behavior) have both passed away and the schisms continue and widen with each passing year. I don’t know why I am surprised given the state of the country but to be honest I was because I truly though family bonds would transcend those issues. On the one hand I find this very disappointing but on the other hand since I have always felt on the outside of things for me personally it doesn’t change much.
Friends – Actually more difficult than family has been negotiating friendships. It’s easy to be friendly on Facebook because it doesn’t cost anyone anything, but rekindling old friendships is not as easy as one might think. A huge part of that I have to own because Lee and I have been just us for a really long time now, but I was hoping that staying in one place would allow me to rebuild a friendship network. I find myself very hesitant though to open myself up to other people and it’s not like folks are banging down my door. People have lives and friendships they have maintained through the years, and I have not been a part of that. That’s fair and since I made the choice to live relatively remotely it’s not like I am running into people I know every day. The simplest thing would be to start fresh with new relationships but at the age of 59 that can be tough. I tend to be pretty introverted when it comes to personal relationships, and it takes a pretty special set of circumstances to push me out of that. The friends we made while RVing were based on shared experiences, and a lot of my current activities (work aside) tend to be pretty solo.
Overall, I think it’s odd that I feel lonelier in a house than I did when we were on the road. I feel less isolated for sure, but loneliness and isolation are not actually the same emotion, although they often go hand in hand. I gave up a community of like-minded people (our “tribe” as my friend Greg used to call it) and I have yet to find a new one. I remind myself that it is early days yet and I have plenty of time to find my people, but I am really going to have to force myself to get out there to make that happen. It was comfortable in my bubble, it really was, but it’s time to take steps back into the world and see what happens.
After Lee read this he said you deserve some cute pictures of the farm for getting through it so here you go 🙂
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Camper Chronicles 
I was 70 when I left Ohio, family, friends and a job to embark on a new adventure. I knew I had to put myself out there to meet new people. I joined a couple of groups that involved doing things I liked. Patricia encouraged me to use “meetup” which has all types of groups. I found this helpful in the beginning. I had to do the work and show up. I am sure you will find people who are interested in the same things you like.
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Thanks Mom never heard of Meetup. I’ll look into it
Hi! You might read Mel Robbins book “Let Them”. She has some great things to say about losing and making friends. Best to you both
Appreciate that!
Thank you for writing this. I still remember all of us at bloggerfest relishing the connections with our “tribe”. I had Mo and my kids and my lifetime best friend. I had many long distance connections that I made through the blog. But I needed community in my town. I joined a book club and after a few glitches now have 5 good friends that are real and supportive. I would suggest you join a small group of some kind. Crafting knitting master gardeners etc. It goes against our introvert style but it is worth it. I don’t comment often but always read. Thank you for what you write.
Thanks so much Sue I appreciate that! I am thinking that as the weather gets colder its a good time to branch out. I tend to hibernate in the winter and definitely want to avoid that!!
Enlightening post — license plates get you labelled!?! I encourage you to volunteer at a local school or library just to engage with people. I hope you and Lee agree on politics. I don’t even have that in my marriage and it is sad.
That’s really tough. We don’t totally agree but at least we are in the same neighborhood